Am I Perfect Yet

Perfectionism. Everyone’s felt it before – in a classroom, comparing your grades with your classmates’; at a concert or recital, hands shaking from the fear of making a mistake; on the sports field urging yourself to run faster, jump higher. From a young age, our generation is driven to achieve ever higher awards, win more impressive competitions, and always keep pushing ourselves to be perfect.
My painting, "Am I Perfect Yet?" aims to capture this struggle to achieve an impossible level of perfection. By contrasting the monochrome pencil body; the vivid, forceful acrylic splatter; and the crumpled, layered paint tubes; I aim to represent the separation between all the intricacies of an individual and the perfection they aim for.
The boy in the painting looks upward at something beyond the edge of the canvas. I emphasized the highlights and shadows near his eyes using white and black acrylic paint. Not only does this highlight his upwards gaze, representing how he looks upwards to his goals, but this also emphasizes the look of determination and longing in his eyes, showing how much effort he puts in in trying to achieve perfection. His right arm strains to reach higher than him, further illustrating how he always strives to improve but can never be truly perfect.
Splatters of neon acrylic paint spray out from behind the boy, which represent all of his happiness and successes. The vibrant, glossy acrylic paint catches your eye easily, representing how outside viewers can easily see the boy's successes. The boy looks away from the splatters, which notably contrast with the monochrome shading of the boy himself. This contrast is not only visible in the colors, but also in the forms - while the splatters of acrylic take abstract shapes, the blended pencil shading highlights the contours of the boy’s face. This shows how he isn’t happy with everything he’s already achieved and can only look up at the next goals he has to reach and the expectations he must fulfill. Meanwhile, the translucency of the paint shows that the boy’s short-term successes fail to bring him long-term fulfillment. Furthermore, my splatter technique creates a feeling of force, further illustrating the sheer amount of effort the boy puts into all of his work when trying to achieve perfection.
The squeezed-empty paint tubes not only represent the effort the boy went through in trying to be perfect, as the boy is literally "squeezing out" all his energy in order to achieve perfection. However, just like the wrinkled surfaces of the paint tubes, the boy still has many imperfections. I painted each paint tube individually with gouache, cut them out and pasted them on foam, and arranged them on my canvas to create a sense of depth and 3D space. The shadows under the paint tubes are painted with pastel to intensify the shadows. Using gouache paint allowed me to create a heavy contrast between the light and the dark areas of the paint. All of this contributes to give the mound of paint tubes a 3D form, emphasizing both the effort the boy put into his work and the imperfections that remain.
Everyone has different experiences with perfectionism. It can come from your parents, your peers, your school, or yourself. Perfectionism can help motivate you to improve, learn, and be curious, but it can also destroy your self-esteem as you constantly struggle to catch up with who you expect yourself to be.
My painting aims to encourage viewers to not focus on perfection too much. Be happy with all of your imperfections and just try to enjoy every day!